Wednesday, April 27, 2005
12:58 AM
ah im back..been too lazy to blog these few days..i guess i should carry on with the last match of our season eh..
so it was just less than a week ago..that our dream ended..i guess there was already an air of uncertainty during the training session the day before..no usual vibe, an ominous sign in some ways..it was pretty obvious who coach was gonna start with, and that edwin, me, majun, lemin, dhinesh, enghao and ian wouldnt keep our places in the lineup..i knew i didnt play to my best against sa..but honestly i didnt expect to be dropped..coach ended off by saying "this could be our last training session" heh..very accurate eh..
so we went to sa for the game..and all hopes that i had about a last minute change and my inclusion in the team were basically shattered during the warmup when the starting 11 were clearly split from the rest of the team..so i ended up on the bench..alongside a disgruntled bunch..the first half was pretty bad..we never really got down to playing our usual game..and every little chance we had was pretty much wasted..and then we conceded..i didnt know what to think at that time..we needed 2 goals..and we clearly werent creating any chances to earn that.. so we went into half time a goal down..coach didnt speak to us..and then chong u rose to the occassion and jolted some life back into the team..it was really inspiring..and terence too..what a moment..it was like the leaders within them were unleashed..well i guess it was also out of sheer exasperation and desperation to do anything to get the goals..so we went into the second half..as time passed..and substitutions were used up..the feeling dawned upon me..my season was coming to an end..the hope that i had, that i could redeem myself after the sa game, just went poof..and as i looked beside me i realised that i wasnt one to complain..as we reached the end terence and i just took off our boots and walked to the stands..and didnt bother going back on the pitch after the end of the match..there were tears..one last prayer and cheer and that was it..end of season..
so thats how it ended..real anticlimax if anything..the tears i shed were for our elimination..not for our loss..cos i seriously dont see any thing to cry about that match..whether it was us or coach who screwed up..i dont wanna think bout it anymore..all the hard work, all the bonds made..yes..those i treasure..and they supercede the feeling of loss..but the elimination just goes to show..sometimes life just isnt fair.. and that in football..its the results that matter most..
but above all, god has been good..and will always be..sure..we're out..and its like a big part of my life being removed..but i know he has a greater plan for all of us in the team..whether it be to spend more time on studies or for some, girlfriends heh i dont know..but before embracing that plan he has for us..we have to come to terms with the loss we suffered..
how true that is in life..the hardest thing to do is always to cope with loss..especially when you're the victim of decisions not made by you..its not just in football..look at relationships..when one calls for a breakup, that person is the one who carries on with life happily, while the other feels the loss and pain when reminded of the joy that they once shared..and it sucks seriously..when you've experienced both sides of it..you feel the pain and realise what an ass you were to make someone feel like that last time..
you had my shoulder to cry on,
my arms around you,
my hand to wipe away your tears,
and my love to comfort you still.
but where were you when i wept?
and then thats where god steps in..its these times when man fails you and you dont feel like you can get over the loss and pain, god gives you the option to forgive, and be rid of the burden and hurt that you're carrying..matt 11:25-30..which goes along the lines that his yoke is a lighter one and he wants to trade it for our heavy load..i've learnt a lesson this year..all the bitterness and resentment one feels after a loss can be justified..but ultimately..nothing will ever change unless you release everything completely to the one who's constant in his love for you.
thank you for the cross.
